Soft Saturday

Wow … I’ve got some catching up to do here.  Thanks, AMR, for adding some content.

I had also noticed that story about our new Rabbi here in Concord … and thought it was wonderful (except, perhaps, for the fact that it remains newsworthy).

So we’ve got some dampish, grey weather here – and I’m thinking that the desperate plants must be feeling hopeful.  (That’s pretty much how I’m feeling after the Phillies’ win last night … on equally substantial grounds, I might add!)

Gonna update my movie reviews in the sidebar after seeing a couple … actually three … movies in recent days.  That’s a lot for me … wonder if I’m avoiding something!  😉

And from the Beeg, I’ve got a nice listing of the winners in the Washington Post’s recent neologism contest … for your reading pleasure as I head out the door to run.  (My fitness/health is apparently having a deleterious effect on the health of JordanCornblog … a quandry indeed!)

Oh, and before I forget … A-Rod remains stuck at 599 and Dick Cheney is still with us.  I wonder if the two are somehow related …

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.  (NOTE:  Please see comment below – as these neologisms are apparently not from the most recent Washington Post Contest … newer ones are listed in the comment.  Thanks, Empress of Style for updating us!)

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post’s Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year’s winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. There’s a lot of it in Congress…..

2. Foreploy (n): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): it’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

10 Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

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2 Responses to Soft Saturday

  1. Glad you like this list of neologisms. Actually, though, most of this list is drawn from two Style Invitational contests from 1998. (But not all: For example, “decafalon” isn’t a one-letter change from “decathlon,” is it? Or “caterpallor”?)

    Much better to see the the current Invitational — every week at We’ve had more than 600 contests since the ones above! The Style Invitational is published every Saturday in The Post’s Style (features) section, and every Friday afternoon at about 3:30 Eastern time. There are neologism contests regularly, but also lots of other sources of humor as well.

    For example, here are some of the top winners of our June 26 contest to change the title of a movie by one letter and describe the new “plot”:

    Four Weldings and a Funeral: A man attaches a set of rocket engines to his Chevy and momentarily achieves his dream of driving a flying car. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

    Watch Me if You Can: Betty White plays an octogenarian pole dancer. (Judith Cottrill, New York)

    And here are some of the winners of our “Learn From My Fail” contest, printed July 24:

    If you and your best friend decide to get matching tattoos, don’t go first. (Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)

    Even if the traffic reporter on the radio says “backup on the Beltway,” it’s best not to do it. (Russell Beland, Fairfax, Va.)

    A bank teller won’t fall for “I come from the future where guns are invisible” when you try to rob her. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

    Slipping your finger in through the leg hole is not best way to check a diaper. (Andy Wolodkin, Frostburg, Md.)
    See the rest of the winners and learn how to enter the current contest at Or you can become a fan of “Washington Post Style” on Facebook (go to ) and you’ll get a link to the Invitational when it’s posted. I hope you become a regular reader and maybe even a regular entrant.

    Best, The Empress of The Style Invitational

    The Washington Post


  2. Thanks so much for your response, and sorry for the incorrect info! The post came from an e-mail that has probably been circulating for years … I have now corrected the post to send people to your comment for the accurate info!

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